Odd Job

There is a need for someone to take on the uniquely challenging position of … “Bear Management Technician”.  All interested may evaluate themselves along the following criteria:

• You are motivated to support the Bear Wise program
  (please note that at this time it’s only the bear that’s wise, and you will be wiser after the experience)
• You can provide effective solutions to human-bear conflicts
  (remember that in all relationships and conflict situations, things can be worked out by trusting the other party and openly sharing your feelings by talking things through)
• You are good at determining problem bear prevention tactics
  (all that tackling practice in football, successful bodychecks in hockey, and schoolyard fights that involved hand-to-hand combat with some on-the-ground wrestling, should certainly go on your resume)
• You can demonstrate experience in bear capture/immobilization/relocation techniques
  (a live audition with the bear will be required, and hauling half-conscious friends to their homes after a wild party does not count as relevant “capture/immobilization/relocation techniques” experience)
• You have demonstrated tact, diplomacy, good judgement
  (see above note about conflict resolution through talking)
• You have computer skills in a variety of applications
  (be prepared to carry a pda and google your way out of a tricky negotiation)

It’s a seasonal temporary 5-month job, so there’s a possibility of extension if the 360 evaluation by the bear community supports it.  And no bribing the evaluators with mushy bear-hugs!  All interested applicants please follow the bear-marked trail (yes you’ll know where it’s been if you’re the person for this job) and leave your resume at the mouth of the bear’s den.  Pin it down with a jar of honey so it doesn’t fly away.  Applicants selected for an interview with the bear will be notified after the hibernation period is over.

Socially distant

The free societies have SO many rules.  The only time I notice the really intricate ones is when I unintentionally break any.  Like the first time I broke the “seating rules” in a subway train.  It was the old kind of train.  Bench seats with a slippery cover.  On one of the seats there were two women.  And there was some space between them.  I went and sat between the two women.  One of them looked at me with an openly disgusted look, and stood up.

It took me a few days to figure out… it doesn’t matter if there was space, the seat was “meant” for two people.  I had encroached.  In the all-precious personal space.  Unforgivable!

And if there are available seats, the priority is to choose one that’s not next to anyone already sitting, unless I really “have” to.

Now I know better.  At the bar stools in a coffee shop, for instance, I wouldn’t sit right next to anyone, if there was a place further ahead.  Or I could sit there, but would get a “what’s wrong with you” look.

We have to preserve the hard-won freedom to have socially expected and acceptable distance.  And then pay someone to teach us how to have meaningful conversations.  While we’re safely sitting 2 seats away.

We’re funny.